tendance
so I just saw cats and it was cats now as soon as this
the trailer came out it was pretty obvious that nobody
wanted this it is absolutely bizarre just how much
money and star power there is behind this film oscar-
winning actors grammy-winning singers Best Picture
and Best Director winner Tom Hooper the reason
why this is so bizarre?
is because the musical is not really that good in the first
place the story sucks from the get-go so you don’t really
have that much to work with pretty much every single
song in this movie is just a cat introducing themselves
those are a full-length song and the overwhelming
majority of these songs don’t really affect the plot
of this film whatsoever it is a nonsense musical with
no real story that just drags on forever and if you’re
going to do a film adaptation you can’t really change
all the songs so you’re pretty much just screwed no
matter what you do and even all of this consider the
movie still could have been somewhat bearable if
the character design wasn’t the ugliest thing ever
created this is seriously some next-level uncanny
valley shit apparently a bunch of morons is blaming
furries for this movie when in reality if literally any
(Cats trailer)
furry was consulted about this the film, it wouldn’t
look this fucking disgusting yeah you know how all
the most famous furry artists draw characters with
human hands feet and faces yeah that’s furries
alright literally nobody wanted the characters to be
designed this way except maybe, Tom Hooper, I
guess I have to assume that the biggest the reason
they kept their human faces is so that the celebrity
actors and singers would be more recognizable in
the trailer or perhaps they thought that since the
actors in the original stage musical never performed
in full fursuit that they should do this weird hybrid
thing but not only are the costumes and makeup in
the original stage musical a lot less creepy than
what appears in this film but when you’re watching
a live stage production there is a prerequisite
the implication that you’re leaving a lot up to the
imagination when you’re watching a live stage
production there is an expectation that the audience
members will be filling in some of the blanks when
you adapt something into a film, the implication is that
you are being shown what you’re supposed to see
when pretty much the entire movie is animated
anyway there is no implication that you’re supposed
to be imagining anything different than what you’re
seeing so whereas this creepy human hand feet and
face bullshit might be acceptable in a live stage
performance is not in a film it looks creepy and
even more so because they’re too lazy to just
put people in makeup and decided to outsource
this to computer animation instead there were even
a couple of moments in the film where the area
between where the human face ends and the rest
is fur would just like shift over inconsistently it
was really weird
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and creepy if you’re going to computer animate
everything anyway then why would you still give
them human hands there’s a part where Ian
McKellen starts scratching himself with his hand
but what he says is that he’s scratching
himself with his paw but it’s not a paw it’s a hand
characters look like absolute garbage but all of
the environments do as well everything feels really
fake and that even extends to the props somehow
I’m not even sure there were props in the film maybe
it was all just done on a computer there’s apart
where one of them is drinking liquid out of a bottle
and for some the reason, even the liquid is
computer-animated and it looked about as
convincing as the liquid that characters would drink
at the bar in Mass Effect 2, it looked like shit on top
of all that the scale of the film was all over the place
there was no consistency in the size of
objects in the universe they were all just bigger to some
degree in some scenes the cats would seem like they’re
the same size as regular humans and in others they
would seem as though they’re as small as rats it seemed
really lazy from a production standpoint series one thing
that I kind of appreciated about this film believe it or not
there’s a pervasive tendency among modern adaptation
of musicals to over modernize the music some recent
examples would include the 2019 version of Aladdin
(Cats trailer)
and the Lion King six songs that everybody loves
would be butchered with overly poppy rhythms and
obscene amounts of auto-tune but surprisingly from
what I can tell in this film they actually really cared
about the music they kept a lot of old-sounding synths
tones that I would have expected them to get rid of
whether or not auto-tune was actually used the singing
felt like actual singing a few of the tracks were pretty
catchy and I was tapping my toe along to the rhythm
it’s pretty much the one aspect of this film that wasn’t
horrendous I just wish that these songs mattered
they’re just not really about anything I really do not
give a shit who these cats are I can only take so
many songs about cats introducing themselves for
no reason in a row as soon as another track started I
would be in immense pain knowing that it would just
be the same shit again there was nothing to drive
forward the plot I’m not even sure there really was a
plot anyway I guess no one’s really watching this
movie there were literally seven people in the entire
theatre when I saw it on opening night so I probably
don’t need to tell you not to watch it but just in case
I guess just don’t watch it quite honestly Cats trailer
