Spies in Disguise

Everything Wrong (Spies Disguise)

Hey look even this dream team doesn’t include Isiah (Spies Disguise)
Thomas unlike some writers here I’m actually happy
about that why is this a sign for the movie I don’t know
and you don’t know either what’s wrong with weird
the world needs weird the last four years disagree
with you now give me a noninflatable hug I’ve never
seen a mom who’s gonna die immediately after this
a scene more than this 114 years later then why should I
give a fuck about what I just walked also I always wonder
why movies will pick such a random number of years like
this if the movie started off in 2005 for instance I guess
this would make sense or at least they gave us a specific
age for Walter but the movie did neither of those things
and so now I have to wonder why 14 instead of say 15 or
10 man is cold why is this guy not been riddled with bullet
holes already I’m just gonna take his gun and I’m gonna
toss it to that snowman yeah but there was no snowman
there just a few seconds ago and not nearly enough snow
to make long and fewer snowmen come prefab these days
also, there appears to be another guard knocked out over
here we can’t even see his leg sticking out from the other
a side that wasn’t there before either also Jesus True Lies
Christ can we please stop doing variations on the
Schwarzenegger stick rats with wings for beginning

Spies in Disguise In 17 Minutes Or Less

the wait is this movie saying that now that he’s thrown his cuff
link drones out into the air this was the first time they could
track his location the drones identify the assassin and for
some reason back at the base for live feeds open up to show
video of the drone or video drone as I call it anyway there
was only one groan as of this moment so these feeds aren’t
live they’re just videos that show the drone’s capabilities they
are very convenient exposition for the audience I fly solo ok
good you’ve fired the end is your objective but they really not
give him his objective before he started this mission why
do this out-of-the-way place and the mountains have a
giant aquarium Hugh I did Lance access it sucking I wouldn’t
dare play Lance’s theme music here but let’s just say it
makes me miss the subtlety of a local Jay’s deepest bluest
you know you can tell when you’re the world’s greatest spy
non-starting everyone knows the name I would argue the
opposite hey you might give me a hand I’m not saying, Will
Smith’s lines aren’t funny here but I’m saying I all the sudden
missed the subtle comic nature of Wild Wild West oh thank
god there was an aquarium in here and thank God there was
an electric eel in it and thank God that electric eel just happens

the reflecting pool (Spies Disguise)

perfectly into the helicopter so that he can grab the briefcase
even in a cartoon, there’s so much bull to count here that I’m
gonna add 1348 since the highest number I can think of
right now we wouldn’t dare play the music but I do want to
point out that this is a kid’s film doing a parody of a James
Bond opening credits sequence with a song lyric that says
call me if you want to get freaky loft Lance drives past
the reflecting pool towards the Washington Monument –
camera submerges through the reflecting pool straight
down where we see the secret spy base Lance works at
in the background, we see the screen that is definitely
underneath the Washington Monument but when Lance
arrives he somehow shows up in an elevator on the Lincoln
Memorial site of the reflecting pool also I can’t help but
think that this asshole got the briefcase flew back
to Washington DC and somehow put that very sensitive
case in his personal car and grow through the most
touristy DC area there is to deliver it don’t secret spy places
have secure locations to land planes to deliver sensitive
equipment so why did the security alarms go off for this
the woman doesn’t the system know the difference
between the person in the booth

extremely deadly weapons

and the person going through the flap doors never wash
that hand again I feel stronger like legit feel stronger I was
thinking no one could be this stupid but then I noticed
the purple sweater so I’m a finding it hard to believe that
leftover glitter in a suit would still have the ability to create
not one but three cat faces and B there’s no way someone
this full of himself is wearing the same damn suit he had on
the other day in Japan even if it’s only been one day since that
the mission ended he would have changed at least three times
by now I’ve never understood why these scientists working
on these extremely deadly weapons or never wearing very
much protection a couple of them protective eyewear but
where are the bulletproof vests or some variation on a
hazmat suit I can’t even begin to imagine what the fatality rate is in this place you used how the does Walter have a
the job here this lab is obviously dedicated to building lethal
gadgets you can’t just get hired at a job like this and not be
told what’s expected of you there’s no way they would have
tolerated him building a kitty glitter bomb using taxpayer
money this is a vile waste of taxpayer dollars space force
can land even fire Walter he’s just an employee at this
company in a different department right it’s not Walters

boss, please tell me you have an explanation for why this
is empty I didn’t look at the suitcase before now a surveillance
camera in Tokyo picked this up two hours after your mission

Killian (Spies Disguise)

so you had this evidence the whole time but you waited until
Lantz took his victory lap through the lobby and scolded Walter
instead of simply arresting him when he got back to the
States also I’m going to assume this is a body cam and not
a surveillance camera and yes I’m nitpicking the because
the character that sounds like a Scott of Karen Gillan should
know better that sounds plausible and not as something
you just made up wouldn’t it be more plausible that the UH
pitstop agent is being set up than that he had randomly out
of nowhere started working for the enemy I mean there’s
obviously enough evidence to bring in Lance for questioning
but why would they really come in all hard and fast like this
did you see that coming oh so you knew they put digital
handcuffs on you and that you could time your EMP

perfectly for this moment racing towards the lowering
door and getting there in the nick of time cliche also you
so wait for this place is on lockdown but the elevator is going
to operate after these doors closed a guest Killian knows
for a fact that Lance wasn’t arrested by the agency and
that’s still pretended to be Lance isn’t going to backfire
here he finds Walter on this digital Rolodex thing and his
identification shows he’s been fired but I don’t remember
Lance telling anyone that he fired that guy he just told Walter
he was fired also if this thing is hooked up to a network

expert of pigeon (Spies Disguise)

wouldn’t internal affairs be able to trace him or at least
shut down this car capability of accessing the network
so after his mom died who took care of him they find out
later that he graduates MIT at 15 so what’s the
backstory on all that it sounds like you want the emotional
resonance of his mom dying but none of the character-building
man that place must be covered in pigeon when Walter gets
home well can I offer you a drink I know Lance is desperate
to get his name cleared but I’m not buying that his high-class
the ass would ever just take a drink from someone not
knowing what it is or if the person holding it had already
drank some of it also Walter’s convenient invite for Lance
to have a drink when the movie needs him to drink the
pigeon changing potion is convenient I see 45 seconds

you will transform into a pitcher this will actually take nearly
two minutes inserting I’m not an expert of pigeon biology
but since Walter is standing in front of Lance where exactly
was he going to insert the rectal thermometer also does Lance’s
pigeon body has an embedded bow time because I think
Lance’s pigeon body has an embedded bowtie none of these
agents noticed lances obvious car and do nothing to contain it
seems like that might be the job that you do first or at least
simultaneously since you have so many agents activate